So you all know why I started this blog, right?

If you don’t, feel free to read my “About” page now. If you can’t be bothered with that, let me recap in my Twitter version, in 140 characters or less:

I quit my job to spend time with my daughter. While blogging for fun, I’m on a journey to find out what I want to do when I grow up.

Well, the verdict is still out. I am as befuddled as ever. I am finding myself flailing in all directions.  I have my part-time consulting gig, which had fortuitously landed in my lap shortly after I quit full-time work.  This has been terrific.  I have complete flexibility and control over my time and projects – it’s a dream, really.  But still, this work is not truly for me.  Someone else is profiting from my work.

FuBu and I recently acquired a new business this past spring.  I love the business concept and I’m helping in a very small way on the social media side of things.  Otherwise, I am a silent investor, and FuBu’s running the show (and spectacularly, might I add!).  But this isn’t truly my business.  Warning: a shameless plug is on its way.  If you live in the Toronto area, and you’re planning a move in the near future, please check us out at CityBoxes.ca!

So I have been spending (or is it wasting?) a lot of time recently thinking about something that I can call mine.  I feel like I need to nurture and grow something… just… not another human child.  I’ve felt for a long time that I’ve had an entrepreneurial calling.  But then I remind myself (I kind of slap myself silly on the side of the head, actually) of why I quit working full-time in the first place: if I really wanted to be there for DQ, and I couldn’t do that while I was working full-time in the corporate world, how on earth did I think I was going to do it while trying to start a new business?  If a start-up isn’t a life-sucker, I don’t know what is.

A couple of times, I latched onto an idea where I thought, “This is it.  This is the one.  This is what I am meant to pursue.”  I research, I meet with people who can provide useful feedback, and then I hit a brick wall.  Actually, it’s more like I put the brick wall in front of myself.  Because now I’m scared.  Moving forward would mean giving up a lifestyle that I’m pretty darned happy with.  I cook dinner for my family almost every night. I make DQ hot lunches for school.  I can make crafts, play games, and bake cookies with her.  I can snuggle with her every night before she falls asleep.  I am there for her.  Just thinking about not being there for her hurts me.  “Think again about why you left your job!”, I say to myself, slapping myself silly on the side of the head again.

Yesterday, a headhunter contacted me with a job that I think I’m perfect for.  Visions of sugar-plum fairies (and healthy paycheques) started dancing in my head.  I snapped out of that pretty quickly.  “Are you insane?”, I said to myself. Now the side of my head is starting to hurt and I’m left dazed and confused. The worst part was, the job is based in Mississauga, a hugely unpleasant one-way 60- to 70-minute commute on a good day in Toronto traffic.  “Are you veritably insane?”  On every level, this would have qualified as a bad, stupid move.

So the journey continues.  For now, I’ve re-committed to spending more time on CityBoxes, while continuing with the more lucrative consulting work to ensure (some) of the bills get paid.  The way I’ve been going lately, this may change tomorrow.  So stick with me to find out where I land.

And while you’re at it, if you want to slap me silly on the side of the head and share some wise words of advice, I welcome it!  I won’t be offended if you slap really hard – it may be just what I need.

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